It's Times Like This I Wish I Had A Blog
by MoreLikeYourGhost
Summary: Somehow I've managed to kiss two boys in one day and end up on the rack of lurve, in my bed of pain and in the cake shop of agony. I bet dolphins never have this problem... Funny SEDDIE fic.
1. Chapter 1

Hi! I mentioned this story in my other fic Freddie's Kisses, so if you read and reviewed that one, then thanks! I've been writing this fic for ages, since about October? Let's hope it's worth the time.

This is the fic which features the winner of that competition I did, the Ting Tings one. It was Carmen321, who gets mentioned in this chapter and introduced in the next one.

On with the show!

FOURLETTERWORDJUSTTOGETMEALONGITSADIFFICULTYANDIMBITINGONMYTONGUEANDIKEEPSTA

12th December 2008

1:27pm

Out shopping.

With my boyfriend.

My boyfriend Jonah.

Because I have a boyfriend.

A boyfriend whose name is Jonah.

Jonah is my boyfriend.

1:30pm

He asked me out six days ago. I said yes. It was very romantic, like on e of those Shakespeare plays:

**Act one**

Jonah: So, Sam, will you go out with me?

Me: Sure!

**End**

Can you not see how tender and romantic and lurving the moment was? He asked me out randomly while we were at Carly's place, planning her party. Which is tonight. It's actually why we're out shopping; I still haven't got a costume. I know it's cutting it fine, six hours 'til the party, but I'm Sam the Ham, I can do anything.

2:04pm

Jonah just bought me some earrings from Blairs Accessories. Aw! They were 90% off in a sale, and I don't even have my ears pierced. You'd think he'd notice, it's been a whole 144 hours that we've been going out.

Ah, well, it's the thought that counts, right?

2:07pm

Still, I would have preferred a bag of marshmallows.

Or some ham.

Oh my Jonas, I haven't had ham since Wednesday! I must have some! It's a good thing I'm going to Carly's straight after shopping.

2:09pm

Come to think of it, it's really no wonder Jonah doesn't know my ears aren't pierced. We've kissed four times already and he just kinda keeps to the mouth. I'm no kissing expert but I saw it in Hollyoaks, boys can do stuff like neck kissing and hand kissing. It sounds delicious.

Maybe I'm asking too much? We haven't been dating long, and I don't wanna be like Carly... She's my best friend in the world ever, and I'm not judging her, but she's a slut. She's been most of the way up the kissing scale already.

2:11pm

Hang on, you don't know what the kissing scale is, do you? *Sigh*. I'll have to explain it to you.

Me and Carly were bored one afternoon, and we started talking about boykind, and our experiences and stuff. Then we ended up writing stuff down and giving them numbers .

It goes like this:

1 = Holding hands

2 = Arm around

3 = Goodnight kiss

4 = Kiss lasting over 3 minutes without a break

5 = Open mouth kissing

6 = Tongues

7 = Upper body fondling – outdoors

8 = Upper body fondling – indoors

9 = Below waist activity

10 = The full monty

It's amazing what you can do with a pen and a bit of spare time, isn't it? When we devised this work of pure genius, it turned out Carly was already in the lead with 6 and I had barely gotten to 3. And she's been adding bits and pieces to it. She's done 6 1/3 - neck kissing (lucky cow) and 6 ¾ - ear kissing (don't ask). It makes me feel rather childish. Hmph.

3:32pm

Success! Tonight, I, Sam Puckett, will be going to Carly's party as a pig! I bought a pig-nose thing, some pink ear things, a pink t-shirt and a curly tail. I can borrow some pink jeans from Carly later. They are so tight I won't be able to sit down, but hopefully I won't be sitting down a lot... i.e. I will be dancing.

4:01pm

Told Jonah I had to head back to Carlys. He looked a little offpissed but I couldn't help that.

'Fine.' He said, slightly moodily.

I leaned in for a quick kiss, hoping he wasn't too perturbed (what a cool word). He kissed me quite fiercely on the lips, which is a bit much, seeing as I was expecting one on the cheek, but I kind of went along with it, to keep him happy. He took my hand, and without un-attaching himself from my lips (which, I guess takes some level of skill) backed us up into an alley which so conveniently happened to be behind us... hmm.

When we were in there he kissed me even harder. Like, really hard. I thought my face was going to get pushed through to the back of my head. I tried to kind of gently push him off but I guess I used too much force, because he kind of stumbled backwards.

I was expecting him to be angry but he just gave me this weird slimy smirk, raised his eyebrows at me and walked off.

I practically ran to Carly's place.

4:30pm

Ah, this is the life. Sitting on your friend's comfy sofa, eating beef jerky while she drones on about her latest boy. I'm not sure what his name is, she's had too many guys for me to bother learning their names. They are all just "pongo" to me.

Apparently current Pongo is coming to the party as Tarzan tonight. Inventive.

I wonder what Fredward is going as?

Not that I, y'know, care or anything, but still...

I have a boyfriend.

Not that I rate Freddie.

I don't.

He is slightly rateable.

But he's got a girlfriend. They've been together for like, a month.

Psh, like that'll stop him. He's had more kisses than I've had hot meals. He is a bit of a tart.

4:45pm

I can't wait for tonight. I said that to Carly. I interrupted her pongo themed soliloquy to say 'I can't wait for tonight. Cool music, me and Jonah and all the ham I can lay my hands on.'

She said 'Nu-uh, Sam.'

'Huh?'

'You can't eat ham tonight.'

What? That's like separating Billie Joe Armstrong from his guitars! Would you do that? Would you? No, you wouldn't! 'Why not, there's gonna be ham, right?'

'Of course there's going to be ham, but you can't eat it.'

'Why would you subject me to that torture?'

'You're going as a pig. You can't eat ham, that's cannibalism.'

Blimey, I hadn't thought of that. I go into mild panic mode. 'What am I going to do?'

'Sam! Calm down! I have costumes I can lend you. It's going to be alright!'

'Okay. What am I going as?'

5:07pm

I am a showgirl! And a very lovely showgirl at that. I'm wearing a feathery hat thing, netty skirt thing, lacy top thing, black tights and character shoes. I actually look alright.

But because I'm wearing her clothes, Carly has insisted she has to do my make- up. And she's starting it now. Bloomin' 'eck.

6:00pm

Holy boyband, how long does it take to do one persons make up? Carly's still doing it, dabbing all over with brushes and sponges. It's quite spooky, really, she's totally in her element.

6:15pm

Same bat time, same bat place, same bat make-up station.

This is getting ridiculous now. Last time I checked I only had one face, so why is it taking so long to make up?! Thank God she's not doing my hair.

6:20pm

Spoke too soon. Carly's doing my hair. She's actually straightening it. I heard straighteners make you go bald but oh well.

My bum hurts now, I've been sitting in the same position for yonks. I pointed out to Carly 'Carls! You only have an hour to get ready for Pongo!'

'His names Ben!' she says exasperatedly (try saying that when you're drunk). Then she realises what I've said. 'An hour? Aah!' She runs away, dropping the straighteners.

They land on my foot.

Owwww.....

6:25pm

Bloody hell, those straighteners don't half burn your foot. It's aggers. I was hobbling around, trying to blow on it to cool it down when there was a knock on the door.

'Come in!' I yell, between blows, trying not to fall over as I attempt to get my mouth as close to my foot as possible, so I can blow on it.

The door opens and someone comes in. I hop-turn around to look.

Ohmygiddygodspyjamas it's Freddie! He actually looks quite fine, he's in a very cool black trilby hat and a very cool black jacket and some very cool black jeans. I think he's dressed as a swing dude. He looked very groovy and not, y'know... ungroovy.

Then I realised I was gawking at him while holding my foot up to my face. He could probably see up my skirt. Buggeration.

I put my foot down (literally, not metaphorically) and, trying to maintain as much dignity as possible (not a lot) said 'Yo, dork. You don't look terrible.'

'I could say the same to you,' he says, smirking.

'You don't have to, I already know.' I say.

'So where's Carly?' he asks, walking in and shutting the door behind him.

'Upstairs, prepping herself for when Pongo arrives,' I say, picking the straighteners up off the floor and putting them on the coffee table.

'Ah, I haven't met this week's Pongo yet.' He says. He's the only person I share the Pongo joke with. Carly would have my head off if anyone else was involved.

'Me neither.' I say, and I sit down on the sofa next to him. I turn on the TV just as Hollyoaks is starting.

'Oh, not this crap,' he complains loudly.

'Sh! Josh and Amy get back together today!' Hmmm... who's hotter, Josh or Freddie? Tough one.

'So, who do you think is hotter, me or Josh?'

Woah, it's not enough for him to be gorgeous, he's a mind reader now too? Edward Cullen alert!

'Josh, duh!' I say, though I'm not sure.

'Keep telling yourself that,' he says. 'I'm getting a drink.'

Instead of going to the drinks table Carly laid out, he goes to the sink. I'm only watching him walk away because I'm wondering what drink he wants, not because he has a cute butt.

Even though he does.

Shut up, brain!

6:40pm

He's been at the sink a while. What's he doing?

Never mind, he's back now, sitting a little closer than before. It's kind of nice...

No, sh, pretend I didn't say that. I am girlfriend of Jonah, my only one and only. Still...

'What took you so long?'

'Nothing.' He says innocently, sipping his water.

'Alright...' I turn back to the TV.

And then he starts squirting me. With a squirt bottle. That must have been why he was at the sink so long, that wily minx.

Anyway, I'm being squirted and I realise I haven't done anything yet to stop him. He has this smile on his face, it's really cheeky.

I finally get up and run and get a squirt bottle from the sink and I run over to get my revenge. Say your prayers, Mr. Benson. I have one hell of an aim...

It's empty. Fantastic. Alright, by this time I'm soaked and dripping but he's run out of water. I hope so, anyway.

6:47pm

Well, he's run out of water, but now he's trying to tickle me, chasing me round the room mercilessly. How on Earth does this boy have so much energy? He must have drank a lot of Frazz before coming over here. I hear that even though it's made of natural stuff, it's still really powerf- woah!

I've just been tackled to the ground by him! He's pinning me down so I can't move and his face is hovering only inches above mine. Holy crap on a cracker, he looks hot from here. His cheeks are all pink and flushed but his nose and forehead are still all tanned and perfect and his eyes are all intense and brownish. Drool....

I don't know how long we've been here but he's looking into my eyes, I'm looking into his eyes, he' s staring me out, I'm staring him out and... he's kissing me.

It's torture, it's a kiss, but his lips are just barely brushing mine and I can just feel how soft and gorgey and perfect they are (seriously, does he use lipbalm on them or something? I'll ask him later...) and his nose is all out of the way (I don't mean he removed it or whatever, I mean it's not clashing with mine) and his teeth aren't bumping with mine and it's just... wow.

He stops suddenly and says 'I like your hair better that way,' and gets up.

I touch my hair. It's wavy, like normal. It was straight a minute ago! Oh, _I get it! _He squirted me with so much water that it soaked my hair which dried into its natural wavy state. Clever boy. Even though that zillion hours spent with Carly thermally damaging my hair turned out to be a waste. I'd be angry if I wasn't so damn confused? Does that mean he only wanted to kiss me to pass the time until my hair got sorted out? Grr...

He's fine, though, putting the spray bottle away and casually insulting Hollyoaks like he usually does.

'It's totally unrealistic!' he says. 'Who would blow up a church full of people? How expensive does he want their death to be?'

'Very funny.' I reply. 'Leave it alone.'

6:55pm

I can't stop thinking about that kiss though. It was one hell of a kiss. His girlfriend is one lucky girl!

Crap! I forgot about her! What's her name? Carmen! I forgot about Carmen! Crap!

'What about Carmen?' I ask him.

'What _about _Carmen?'

'You kissed me!'

'Hey, it takes two to tango!'

'Fine, we kissed! You have a girlfriend!'

'You have a boyfriend!'

I forgot about him too! Crap!

'Chillax, Sam, I won't tell if you won't.'

'If you say so...'

'I do say so.'

'Fine.'

'Fine.'

'Good.'

'Good.'

'I'm glad it's good.'

'I'm glad you're glad it's good.'

'I'm glad you're glad I'm glad it's good.'

'I'm glad'-

A knock on the door interrupts our ramble.

I get up and look through the peephole.

It's Jonah.

Dressed as a farmer...

7:00pm

Crap. Crap and crap and crappity crap crap. Jonah came as a farmer because I was going as a pig. He thought it'd be cool if the two of us went as the same type of thing i.e. he was Old McDonald and I was his pig. But I messed it up. Old McDonald has a pig, not a Vegas showgirl.

And now Jonah's really angry. Good thing Freddie went off to see Carly.

7:05pm

Freddie's back, and Jonah is not happy. He's noticed how Freddie is a swing dude and how well the swing dude goes with the showgirl. Whoops.

Now there's an awkward silence...

7:07pm

Weird looks all round.

I guess the done thing when there is an awkward silence is not to do thumbs up and yell 'Awkward silence!'

Well, it was awkward...

7:09pm

TV turned off. On Hollyoaks there's a storyline about cheating. Not like copying-cheating but Warren-cheating-on-Louise-with-Mandy-cheating. And Jonah's giving me this look. Not a look of lurve but a look that says "I think you lurve Freddie."

Not a good look.

7:45pm

This party's actually quite kicking now. Most of the guests are here. And Jonahs cheered up, I think. He's changed his costume... I think. He's taken his hat off and rolled down the front of his dungarees and taken his shirt off. I think he's like a topless dancer or something. The guests don't mind. Well, the female ones don't.

Jonah's not even that hot. He's a bit scrawny, actually. Ooh, I wonder what Freddie looks like topless? Good, probably. I've seen him play soccer before; he's unexpectedly good at it, so that would mean he probably has a good set of abs... No! Get out of my head topless Freddie! I only have one one and only love and that is my one and only Jonah.

7:47pm

The same Jonah dancing in the middle of a massive crowd of girls. He hasn't talked to me in AGEs, or even acknowledged me in a while. He can't still be angry about the whole Freddie thing, can he? Unless he's annoyed about the fact that I called him scrawny...

Wait, I only called him scrawny in my head... Although there's a massive possibility I might have said it to his face. I seem to have very little control over what I say nowadays.

7:51pm

I can see tonight's Pongo looking lonely at the side of the room. Carly must have forgotten about him. Where is she? Oh, she's dancing rather closely with that complete tool in our grade Jake. I'd bet any money that something's gonna happen tonight. This is Carly we're talking about, and this isn't exactly the fastest song in the world.

7:53pm

Ha ha, score 1 for Sam. Carly and Jake are now making out. She is a bit promiscuous, but she is my best friend so I'll forgive her.

8:09pm

Talking to Freddie at the drinks table.

'So, why isn't Carmen here tonight?' I ask. 'I mean, she is your GIRLFRIEND, and I would expect your GIRLFRIEND to be here, as your GIRLFRIEND.'

'We're not joined at the hip,' he says. 'Anyway, why aren't you partying with Jonah?' He motions over to Jonah, who is raving on a chair.

'We're not joined at the hip.' I repeat, too last to think of a smart ass response. 'And he's upset because he came as a farmer when I was meant to come as a pig. Also, I called him scrawny in my head which he may have heard.'

'Has anyone ever told you you're mad, Sam?'

'No, but I think you'll find YOU'RE mad.'

'YOU'RE mad.'

'YOU'RE mad.'

'YOU'RE mad.'

'YOU'RE mad.'

Then he starts tickling me! On my waist, where even the slightest tickle sets me off like a liquid laugh on laugh tablets. So, I'm giggling my head off, and he's clearly enjoying it, and then he leans over and kisses me again! Again, just really lightly on the lips but still!

Then he stands back, looks at me and says 'Thanks.' And walks off!

So I'm standing there like a lemon.

8:19pm

Boys are a bloody mystery.

YOURJEANSWEREONCESOCLEANIBETYOUVECHANGEDYOURWARDROBESINCEWEMETNOWOHSOEAS

There we go! That was like 11 pages on Word. Yay! Longest chapter ever! That'll bring up my entire average entry size! Finished typing chapter at 4:19pm on Monday 29th December.

Big round of applause to Carmen! Woot!

Review please 

Charz

Xoxox

P.S: I'm typing this little bit at 8:16pm on 15th February. So, it should be up soon, it's been a while...


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey....**

**Guess what? It was four years ago today that I posted my first fic on here. It was for School of Rock and it was crap. Absolutely rubbish. That's why I'm not telling you the name... Ah, memories ******

**Okay, another chapter... These won't be very frequent, because the chapters take a while and I have other crap to write.**

**Anyway, here we go...**

8:17am

Where am I?

I see a ceiling, with a bunch of balloons floating near it. And I'm not sure what it is but there is something digging into my back. And it's not exactly a smooshie pillow. I.e. it bloody hurts... a lot.

I may be forced to get up.

8:20am

Up. Couldn't stand the thing that was denting my spine. Upon inspection, I realise it's a spray bottle.

Figures.

Now where's Carly?

8:22am

A quick sweep of the apartment revealed that she was asleep on her bed. With Jake. I'm trying not to think about what might have happened between them, but how would Carly end up with lipstick on her cheek/nose/forehead?

She did look kind of happy, though, so I tried to leave quietly, but I still managed to trip over on the way out (accidentally falling into Carly's new jeans and t-shirt). Oh well, can't be helped.

So... what do I do now?

8:29am

Walking aimlessly around the place didn't do much to quash my boredom. It just made me realise what a mess this place is in. I'd better leave before Carly spots the mess and makes me help her clean it up.

2 minutes later

Standing in the hall

Not quite sure what to do now.

I could always go and see Freddie; he's only across the hall. If he's up.

Which he won't be.

I just knocked twice.

Is twice enough? Maybe once more.

Okay, three times. Three times is just right in an "I-think-you're-hot-but-don't-want-to-be-anything-more-than-an-occasional-kiss-buddy-because-I-have-Jonah" type way.

Not too desperate, right?

1 minute later

Four times. That's it.

He's answered, looking amused.

'Can't get enough, huh?'

He's so arrogant.

'Ha. I'm bored. Amuse me.'

'You might regret saying that.' He says as he lets me in.

I walk over to his kitchen and help myself to his orange juice.

'So, watcha doing up, Fredward?' I ask, wiping my mouth on the back of my hand after swigging juice straight from the carton.

'I never went to bed,' he says, stealing the juice back from me and gulping from the carton as well. 'That was a heck of a party; I was too hyped up to sleep.'

Weird. In his hot man-voice that actually made sense. 'What are you doing awake?' he asks me.

'I couldn't get a good night's sleep on Carly's kitchen table.' I admit. He raises an eyebrow. 'I don't know how I got there!' I protest.

He chuckles at me then says 'Want some breakfast?'

'What have you got?'

'Pop-tarts.'

'Definitely.'

9:00pm

Ah. I am actually very comfortable. Sitting on Freddie's squashy blue couch stuffing my face with pop-tarts and watching Family Guy. Freddie's sitting next to me, yawning. So much for being too hyped up to sleep.

9:07am

So much for being too hyped up indeed! He's fallen asleep! Total lightweight. He looks good when he's asleep, like, totally relaxed but still laughy.

I take this golden opportunity to pinch his laptop and check my Facebook. Craploads of people have posted pics and videos from last night. There's one video my friend Kevin posted called "Sam and Freddie." Ooer. I click on it, curious.

30 seconds later

It's alright; it's just a vid of me and him talking. Hang on – whoops. I think a loud song must have come on, and we had to lean closer together to hear each other. There's no sound on the vid so it totally looks like we're talking intimately. Again. Ooer.

And – crappier. I can see Jonah coming up behind us in the video, as if to talk to me, but it looks like he's seen me and Freddie talking and walked up, looking pissed off. Whoops...

Then the video finished.

I realise I haven't talked to Jonah since the whole farmer incident last night. I should probably go see him. Freddie won't mind, he's in snoozeland. I'm off.

2 minutes later

Freaky deaky. I was just coming to the door to open it and someone knocked on it. It's Carly, looking panicky.

'Help!' she says. 'Dad just called, he's coming over later, and the place is a mess! Spencer's still at his art convention, he got held up" Get Freddie!' And she leaves, going back into her apartment.

I sigh, knowing I'm stuck.

I pick up a cushion off the armchair and throw it at Freddie's head.

'Yo, sleeping Beauty!' I say. 'Wake up, you're needed.'

He opens his eyes, yawning widely. 'What?'

'Carly's apartment. We have to play Kim and Aggie and help her clean it up.'

He groans but gets up, following me out the door.

9:15am

Bloody hell, this apartment is gonna take forever and a day to clean.

'Where's Jake gone?' I ask Carly as I throw a paper cup into a bin bag.

'He's gone. Something about "people to see" or whatever.' Carly sniffed as she sprayed some cleaning fluid on the coffee table. 'Freddie, Can you get those balloons that are stuck to the ceiling?'

'On it.' Freddie says, but he rolls his eyes. 'Give me a hand, Sam.'

I go over to help him. He's stacked a chair on the table and is motioning for me to get on.

'What? I don't think so.' I say – it looks like a long way down. 'You get up.'

'No, I'm heavier than you. I'd probably collapse it.' He says. 'I'll hold you steady.'

'Just don't let your weedy arms drop me.' I say as I shakily get on.

'Well maybe you could use your oh-so sharp wit to burst the balloons.' He says as he grips the chair.

3 minutes later

Foof. Standing on a chair on a table and trying to get balloons down is harder than it looks.

Freddie's constructed a sort of poking device with a long ruler and a fork that I can use to pop the balloons.

Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop.

It's kinda fun, and it's working, there's only one balloon left. I try to give it an almighty stab but I overbalance and nearly topple off. It was terrifying, but Freddie manages to keep me up. He hops up on to a chair next to the table and steadies me, putting one hand next to my knee and one on my thigh.

I want to kick him away but I feel too shaky, I might fall off again.

As I get rid of the last balloon I can feel his hand drifting up near my behind. I poke that with the fork. Cheeky beggar.

10:39am

Foof. Again. That was a job and a half.

At least the apartment is as clean as two clean things. I can sit down and relax.

5 seconds later

Or not. Carly just turfed me and Freddie out so she can get ready for her dads visit.

Charming.

'So, wanna watch a movie?' Freddie asks as he opens the door to his place.

'No, I think I'm gonna go see Jonah. You should call Carmen. Your _girlfriend_.'

He smirks at me. 'See you later then. Have fun at Jonahs. I'm sure he really wants to see you, I mean, he _definitely_ looked in a rush to talk to you last night.'

'Huh?' I say, but he's already disappeared.

10:46am

Blimey. I'd forgotten how far it is to Jonah's house. Usually I can beg a lift off someone but today it's only me.

All on my own...

23 minutes later

Ooer...

I just bumped into Carmen. I didn't actually realise it was her until she nearly walked into me, then I had to pretend to be pleased to see her.

Er, I mean, I was pleased to see her. Why wouldn't I be pleased to see Freddie's girlfriend?

Don't answer that.

Anyways, she had a smile on her face that I like to think is real and she was like 'Hi!'

I could tell it was going to be an awkward conversation. 'Hey, Carmen.'

'What's up?'

'I'm going to see Jonah.'

'Cool! I'm going to see Freddie.'

'Oh.' I didn't _mean_ to be rude; I just didn't know what to say.

'Y'know, Freddie talks about you a lot.' She sounded a lot less smiley.

'Oh?'

'Yeah. I don't think he realises he's doing it.' Uh-oh, was that a hint of the stink-eye I see in her face?

'Oh.' Stuck in one word vocabulary world... 'Well, bye...' I leave before she can make me feel any guiltier. Well, I try to leave.

'Sam?' she calls me back.

'Yes?' I half-sigh.

'Do you like Fre- um... never mind... see you around.' She leaves.

Crap. She thinks I like Freddie. I do. No I don't. Never mind.

11:12am

Standing outside Jonah's house. I've knocked three times. Is that enough? Wait, I'm not getting into that whole thing again.

His 19 year old sister answered the door. 'Hey... Sam.' she said. I think she forgot my name.

'Hey Monica. Jonah in?' I ask.

'Yeah, in his room.' She walks off, texting on her cell.

I close the door and go up to Jonah's room. I can't hear anything coming from inside. I knock twice. Nothing. Again. Nothing.

Hmm... Instead of doing the sensible thing and coming back later, I open the door and go inside.

Holy shit.

Jonah.

Jonah on the bed.

Jonah on the bed making out.

Jonah on the bed making out with Jake?

I swear and run away.

11:20am

Flip, flipper and flipping heck.

Jonah, my boyfriend, kissing Carly's... whatever-he-is. That doesn't happen. Except in Hollyoaks.

I run out of the house and down the street. I need to talk to someone... Usually in a situation like this I'd go and see Carly but she's with her dad. I can't exactly burst in and yell, in front of her dad, 'Carly, your new kissing buddy is making out with my boyfriend!'

Her dad would have a fit.

11:25am

So where does that leave me and Jonah? Are we still dating or what? Nothing was said.

I'll go to the park. That will help me think.

11:49am

Or not. All I see is couples. It makes me sick. It should be me and Jonah making people sick, not other people making me sick.

12 noon

And things get worse. Freddie and Carmen have arrived. They look so happy. You wouldn't know Freddie kissed me last night. I mean, he's actually buying her an ice cream. It'd be cute if it weren't so sickening.

12:20pm

That's it. I'm leaving. Freddie and Carmen are wrestling and kissing in the grass. It's so adorable... I want to puke.

Don't worry, that weird feeling in my stomach isn't jealousy, it's... hunger.

I don't care if her dad's there, I'm going to Carly's.

12:30pm

Carly's dad didn't notice e. I think he was arguing with Spencer about an art degree versus a law degree or something like that. So me and Carly are sitting in the studio munching popcorn and watching Madagascar. I haven't mentioned the whole Jake/Jonah thing yet. I don't know if I should.

Ok, I will.

'Carls-'

'I wonder why Jake hasn't called me yet. I mean, did we spend the whole night together, I would have called. What do you think?'

'Carls, um, I've gotta tell you something. Earlier, I went to Jonah's house, and... I saw him and Jake kissing on the bed.'

Carly looks at me for a second, then bursts out laughing.

'Ha, good one Sam!' she says. 'You can't get rid of Jake that easily!'

'Carly, I'm not kidding. It was gross.'

She cocks an eyebrow. 'Is this for real? Like, for real, for real?'

'Honest to blog.'

'Ooer. Do they know you saw them?'

'I swore pretty loudly when I saw them but I didn't talk to them. Are you gonna stab Jake with a pencil or what?'

'I don't know, I mean, he has great hair.'

Per-lease.

'Can we go round to Jonah's? I'll show you.'

'You think they'll still be making out?'

'Well, they seemed pretty into it when I saw them.'

'Alright, let's go.'

1:02pm

Gawd, even under the circumstances Carly won't shut up about how "hot" Jake is. I've just tried to stay quiet in case any of the offensive things I'm thinking make their way from my brain to my mouth.

Anyways, we were about a block from Jonah's house when we see Jonah and Jake sitting on a bench, talking.

'Okay, I say we hide in the bushes over there and watch them until they- hey!'

I was halfway through my sentence when we ran off! She's running up to Jake, squealing 'Jakey!' She leaps on to his lap and starts kissing him. Jonah looks awkward for a moment but then he spots me and comes over.

'Hey, Sam,' he says. He leans in for a snog but I convert it into lip-to-cheek.

'You're cheating on me?' I ask.

'Huh?' he says.

I'm _sure _he saw me earlier. I shouted "fuck" loud enough.

'I said, are you cheating on me?'

'No, I would never kiss another girl when I'm dating you.'

'I'm not talking about kissing another girl.' I say. 'You were kissing Jake.'

'Was I?' He looks awkward. 'Hey, you know what they say...'

I nod doubtfully as I see his eyes flicker over to Jake. I want to believe him.

I really do.

**Another chapter. Woot.**

**So, it feels like I haven't been on here in ages... what's new with you lot? I did a GCSE... obsessed over a musical... wrote some stuff... argued with some teachers. How are you?**

**And I'm vair excited about the 10****th**** Georgia Nicolson book coming out soon! It's the last one but it's gonna be marvy. As long as it's GeexDave.**

**Reviews are love!**

**Charz**

**Xoxox**


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